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▸ Peculiar life. Suck it. ... ♬
Sunday, December 26, 2010
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24.12.2010
Christmas Eve. Reached home about 6.30 or something from KK with Rudy & Olga. We're just finished shopping for Christmas. Gosh, tiring and exhausted.. but I loikee! awwe, here's the thing I
dislike, pms cramp. Around 7pm, going to church with my family. During liturgy, I was not in a good mood cause I'm not in a good condition. Grrr, the pain is torturing me! I can't even concentrate that time.
25.12.2010
Christmas Day. Woke up at 7am. Prepared for church. 10 am, I reached home. Pms cramp killing me. I slept, about an hour. Aunt fetch me for open house at my relatives'. I eat a lot, that's a habit of mine. Can't stop, can't deny. But today, I felt abandoned by the one I loved the most, Mom. I have no spirit for christmas this year. I don't really know why. This year ain't like years before. I feel miserable all the day. I faked smile. Feels like tears going to burst out, but I'm fighting so hard not to. Though I laughed, but seems like its truly fake. I keep on mute, in times I fear for myself. I really don't have any idea what is happening to me. While celebrating this joyous christmas, I felt empty inside. I can say that the pain is like swallowing significantly a large rock; okay more to mountain. Not because I don't feel the Christ birth- but something else. Privately about myself and people around me whom I cared so much for my life's sake. Its hard/painful for me to describe it, unexplainable. This ain't the first time. It was getting painfully closer to me with every step of growing up in my unlikely feelings birthed inside me. The love she promised to death began to fades away itself; where it supposed to be. From the beginning til the end. I don't know how to handle this. It messed my whole life- I'm worried it will neglect my future life; studies like before.
Ever had that feeling when you wanted to make those people who hurt you feels the same feeling when they hurt you? And when you know that it just take a few simple words to make them feel exactly the same hurtful feeling you've experienced before and when you succeed making them feel like that, the victorious feeling of beating them in their own game pleased you to the max.-Unknown peeps
