There's an inevitable pain. You were so full of yourself, I am the one who suffer; in this pool of lies. I hate to accept the fact that I am too attached to you. I was so scared of losing you, even I knew deep inside I must end this very feeling towards you. Every time I saw you my heart skipped a beat. Oh how fool am I? I shouldn't let my feelings overwhelmed me and do something that shouldn't be done. I get angry for nothing seeing you with other girls. What if I'm not good enough? What if they are better than me, sure they'll make you happier, no? That is the problem, I'm being too paranoid. Some called it jealousy, I called it fear of losing you... I was getting stronger back then, I had my own goals, my own dreams and hopes. Just when I felt giving up on us.......BUT I CAN'T.. WHY? Because I was weak. I couldn't fight with my own feelings. Insecurities. Then you turn around and tell me I'm the one.. I don't know whether it's real or not; it does make me feel better. It is warm and I love it. You had a better life now. As for me, I keep on dreaming and I make it happen; struggling so hard to achieve it. At the same time, I am so confused with my own feelings; should I wait? Or just walk away...
Beginning of the new year and everything went normal again, I mean my school life. I got into science-stream class. The class is not too crowded, only 27 students were selected. I found out that one of my friend from my primary school in that class too. An old and a good friend of mine actually. So, here's the thing. At first, it worries me to accept the fact that I'm turning 16 this year, well, not til my birthday. There must be a killer subjects! Great, found one, PHYSICS. For Chemistry and Biology, I'm getting into it. In fact, I love Biology! I'm giving my all and am doing my very best for Chemistry and Physics.
Today is the beginning of yay-for-gayness. It's school holidays. Happy hols to me, loads of homeworks, tonnes of essays, and revision for all subjects. I'm going to finish my work early and have a nice and relaxing holidays with comics, good food and Internet. That's all for today, I'm going to sleep 'cause I'm completely worn out for today's activity at school. By the way, found this in my lappy. When I was in Form 3, I really miss my long hair though :'(
It has been a long time since my previous entry. I was so busy preparing myself for the truly-bloody-pmr which happened on October 2011. Okay, I couldn't recall what was happening back then because I had some important stuffs in my head to remember. What I remember was, pain, happiness, and some stuff that is too-good-to-be-true. December 2011, the waiting was finally over. The time for my result, PMR. I spend the whole day at saloon with my mom to get my hair 'fixed', haaha. That was 2 days before my result. I had an argument with my mom, I cried so hard that time. Tears flowing through my cheeks and my heart sank. I couldn't help myself, why does she have to compare her own flesh with others? I hate comparisons. I am not the same, I am me. Why don't you get it?! I went out and mumbled to myself. '' I will definitely be happy after this. Wait for my result. '' The moment before I take my result, I acted normal in front of her, so I went downstairs and had a little conversations with Rudy. I said I was too nervous. He decided to check on my result via SMS but I warned him not to tell me. hahaha, I don't want him to be the first to know! My grandpa and I went to Telipok and I got a text from Olvy. ''TAKE YOUR RESULT KNOW. YOU GOT ALL A's''. I couldn't believe it, I dashed to school and went straight to the principal's office. I cried okaay. That was the happiest moment too. It's like, all the hardworks, the dramas you have to go through, the pain and the loneliness has been PAID OFF. I thanked God for He's there with me all the time giving me strength to endure it and hear my prayers. I send a text to Rudy and he was burning with curiosity to know. I got home and showed my slip to him. haaaha. I went upstairs, I showed my slip to my mom. "I GOT 7A's MOM''. Before Christmas, she took my phone and went to Brunei. I was really mad at her. She bid me good bye but I went to my room. I am so hurt. It's killing me every time I thought about it. I don't want to be sad anymore, I want to be loved and I want to love. Is it too much for me to ask? I wanted you to acknowledge me.
▸ These tears I shed..they're not for you.They are my hopes and dreams which were destroyed by you ... ♬
I feel sad, really sad. Why the heck you want to take everything from me? I always consider you as the best, but now you gave me fucking shit that fucking hurts me. I always feel being ignored, all the fucking time. No one around me cares for me. Or if they did, that is a total bullshit! They're just curious about you, they sure give advices,but they don't even care about my problems neither me! That's what I called bloody hypocrite. They only need you when they're in despair but to you, they just don't care.
Shit #1
I miss the old you. I miss our crazy moments together. I love to hear your voice, the beautiful melody that sends chills down my spine. I was so stupid to believe you.. Waiting for the confession. But I ended here,hopeless, confessing the bloody truth about it. Why are these happened to me? I'm not a fucking option you faggot liar! Why don't you get a bunch of whore to play with? Or barbie doll would be great. Hey, I know, let's not be friend, 'cause I freaking hate you, friggin muggle.
Shit #2
Once again or should I say the hundredth times; I shattered into pieces. Ignoring the fact that you are nobody else to me, you're nothing to me. Your name rolls around in my head, plays around my tongue like a contented pig in muck. It's funny I remembered our good times together and I ended up shedding tears. All I can do is reminding myself to be strong, just move on; 'cause I can only live once. So live to the fullest. I just wish I could run from all this mess.
Waiting is the hardest part. Throughout the journey there are so many things that could shake your faith down then leave your loved ones. I cried tho. That is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life; crying over you 'cause you hurt me. Please, I don't want it. I never wanted to experience it. You said you'll wait, well let's see. Oh, you broke your promise. You're not interested to talk with me. This is not fascinating, it's about a girl with a fragile heart which is literally broken, trying to put it back for a perfect shape of a heart. Guess what, it's impossible cause no matter how hard you try, you still can see the cracks. I wish we never met..If only I knew things get worse when we are together, I never wanted to be with you. I was stupid enough to believe you. Karma's a bitch!
Yes, very true!
Say hello to the old me. Who thinks The vampire diaries is her perfect drug. Who had a gigantic crush on Damon Salvatore, yes I am. I love his flaws,I love his eyes,I love his sarcasms and I love him. Though it's only a TV show, fuckyea I LOVE HIM. Well his personality is the polar opposite than his brother, Stefan Salvatore. He is arrogant and selfish and hell yeah that makes me love him even more because he looks damn fucking hot in that way. Being absolutely charming one minute and extremely dangerous the next. Yesterday, I watched the 4-last episodes of season 2, I was like, what the fuckkk?! So, this is the way the story end? Uh, do I have to wait until September? No man! Uhm, yea I forgot, AFTER PMR, so I'm fuckin FREE hahhahah like seriously. All the fuckin days after PMR, I will keep myself for the vampire diaries. Ahh, I just can't resist it, I love all about him. When I watched the show, it is heartbreakingly good and I burst into tears. It was touching and I can't help myself to cry..Poor Damon, he loves Elena but Elena loves his brother, Stefan. But I think Elena loves Damon too.Watching Damon dying and Elena was there, Damon was about to kiss her because he got some mixed-up memories with Katherine in 1864. I love all the scenes here, all episodes, I love Vampire Diaries!
Damon: You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
Elena: I like you now! Just the way you are.
(The conversation between Damon and Elena for the last moment. Then Katherine showed up with the cure and Damon is alive!)
...And they kissed. Aww, Damon..that is so sweet of you :) Oh hell, now I cannot wait for the next episode! Malaysia? I wonder why and when is season two will be on TV? Or even the latest episode of season 1?
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wait for it
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danggg~ Big Time Rush
My favorite group! I love 'em all. I love the most, first place, Kendall Shcmidt. Second, Logan Henderson.
Somewhere in my heart , i hear a beat that soothes my soul ..
a beat that at times i wish to share as i do right here! Statutory warning
- they can be extremely funny- stupid-amazingly strange - yes hopeless he he !! read at your own risk!
Books and pens
All strewn around ,
He did not like them .
His Mommy's voice echoed around,
"Homework is yet to be done" !
Ground and stumps lured him
but-
Exams and lectures just held him around !
How he wished he could throw all
his books and pens
to go marching off to ground !
It just remained a wish !
Sulking,his homework done ,
he ran hurriedly out just to
watch the rains kissing the ground
musically ;pitter-patter all round.
How boring indeed to;
just watch the black and white coins
dance around on the board!
for he had to play indoors.
Time just ticked away ,
stomach grumbled ,
Snack was ready on his favurite bowl
healthy spinach and carrot
with a white glass beside !
his eyes disappeared with his squirm
he grunted and the bowl lay there just untouched.
Skipping food , hurt his stomach ,
and he lay on bed clutching tight .
Mommy dear ,came near and cuddled him;
"Am i still a baby ?"
he shoved her off and ran away feigning fit !
Ding Dong , the bell rang,
Daddy strongest was back home ..
running he hugged his dad to get the gift
wrapped up in blue,
Lost in his own world
he grabbed the packet to open
what lay beneath was not what he wanted
curve now was setting down ,
daddy promised next time pecking on his cheeks !
nodding silently ,
he walked back to his cosy bed.
Ican notspeak.Thisis verycompassionate.WhenIlook backmylife,I sometimesdo notappreciatewhat isinfrontof my eyes. ThankGod,Iwilltrytochangemybadattitude. When I saw this, BAMMM! I knew. This is really meant something. A message from God, not only for me..but to all. I hope this can make us unite. Praise the Lord. Amen.
much love,
tasha
▸ Do you ever feels like breaking down? As I shed a tear.......Sinking in my pain ... ♬
Just like mourning death, there are stages of grief to a break-up. Denial, anger, frustration, sadness and joy are all some of the emotions that you may experience after a relationship has ended. What ever your feelings are it's perfectly normal to experience all of them, but at some point you'll have to move on and get over your ex.One of the first steps you must take at the end of a relationship is to acknowledge and accept it is over. Clinging to any hope or prospect for a future is often unrealistic, and despite what those popular romance movies want you to believe, it's uncommon.The first thing you should promise yourself is that you are not in any contact with your ex during the next couple of weeks. If you see him/her every day, how can you forget him/her. You can't, and that is why it is important to take that break.Don't allow yourself to fall into the belief that ending things slowly and staying friends will help ease the sting. It takes two people to make a relationship and if one person is deeply in love and the other is detached this will only ignite resentment and pain. It take time to get over from break up, and this time can be rather exhausting. This may prevent you enjoying other things, such as hobbies, work, family, and friends, in your life. Even though it is not easy, you need to draw attention to these aspects as soon as possible. They will direct your mind and thoughts away from your ex.One mistake people often make is they don't realize that it is actually the rituals and routine being in a relationship they are missing, not that other person. This is one thing you need to figure out. Are you feeling sad because you miss your ex, or because you are not in that secure and familiar relationship anymore. After you have figured that out, you can make your next move according to this. If you understand that it wasn't the person you miss, you have much better chances to quickly recover from the break up. All you need to do is keeping yourself busy. Go back into your normal fulfilling lifestyle and forget that relationship. There are not any general rules about how to get over from a break-up. Every relationship is unique and we all are individuals with different characteristics. Just take each day as it comes, and remember that someday your relationship is only a distant memory. How does writing a poem ease the pain of break up? By making you vent your feelings, it makes you feel better, with your mind emptied of thrusting feelings. Writing things down will also enable you to gain a better perspective, thus showing you a way out of the impasse. You may even get a clear picture of what lays ahead of you. Is the break up such that you have to accept it as final and chart a new course or there is scope for fixing things and get back with your ex?
Man, I just wish I could turn back time and set things up. I don't want this. Screw you! I miss my smile, not the fake one!
• In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
• In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
• By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
• In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
• In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
• In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
• In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.
much love,
tasha
▸ somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.. ... ♬
I cannot believe almost every single thing happened to me recently. But, with God, it's possible and nothing to be afraid of. After weeks of brain-twisting,working hard,pain,pressure,dramas and all the evils collides; I lost in my own world. I just can't persuade myself when my surroundings change, drastically. With all the emotions of hope, I lose all my confidence, lack performance at school etc. Ugh, what a life!
Those terrible weeks terribly torture me to death. This is the first time in my entire 15 years living with tonnes of pressure. I hope there will be a good day for me after weeks of harassment! Argh. I'm struggling and striving to survive, in fact, I knew it wouldn't be as easy as ABC. Get what I mean? Err, direct to the point.I've been representing school for English parliamentary debate recently. That was fun and tiring. I transformed drastically from the lazy one to uh, you know, a bit hardworking. Which is way too impossible earlier. Haaha, kidding. Guess what, the andrenaline/epinephrine do works! When I reached SM La Salle, I was, you know, a bit nervous. It was my first time though. During preparations, pretty much leads me into depressions. I can't control my emotions. I kept telling myself, ' Am I ready? Physically & mentally? Well, I have too. I've gone so far. I skipped class for this. Or it means nothing'.
When the flashbacks started, I'm having a lot of fun with my friends. We stayed until 3 a.m and woke up at 5 am.(Not all included) Haa, I'm not going to talk about that. Kay, first round, we beat Smk Agama KK. Oh, I was the second speaker and awarded as the 'best speaker'. Second round, our opponent was Sm Stella Maris, we lose. yeah, I knew that. I'm exhausted and I can't think a thing!
Assembly at school, teacherpresenting certificatesandpraisemein public. I was like, 'what the fish??'. Ah, thank you. After assembly,others are being sarcastic towards me. 'Eh, the best speaker. Popular in La Salle!' & 'Even you're the best speaker, I'm so much better than you.' Arghh! Stop it, I'm sick and tired of it. I do not seek for attention here peeps! Omg, how sad! So what, I did the great job for school! I don't give a damn for it okay. So shut the hella up!
Important events coming, Public Speaking, Drama for English Language, Spell-It-Right,KDCA-ISCEP, urgh and what? YEAH, PMR BABY :O
hello. good-mornight loves.( I wrote it at 2 a.m, but I forgot to post it =,=)
It's early in the morning and it's late in the night. I don't have any idea what has gotten into me recently. I have so much problem. I need to build up my self-confidence again. Yea, yea. I talk about problems rite? Who cares, it's my blog anyway. If you think I'm seeking for attention here, you're wrong. I share my stories;deeply from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you ;D
Buckle up! Check everything. Make sure you have foods and drinks for a little dramas here, *joke*. Firstly, I realized, I am not the only one in this world feels the pain or the cold of bitterness in a complicated situations. Seriously, I feel you guys. I know how awful it is, how hurt it is. How hard to take it when people kept blaming you even you're not wrong. There are least for laughters but more to sadness. But remember guys, even they hate you, there will always be someone ready for you. Isn't that sweet, someone that we can rely on to share problems, provides support when times are tough. They will do anything for godness sake, to cheer you up, to see your beautiful smile again. A smile that can bright up the whole universe. Someone that will wipe your tears and warmth your soul, promising endless love... Loves you unconditionally.
If you are in a relationship, please be loyal to your love. Don't ever hurt each other. I knew it's impossible ( I read it on novels) but don't you realize, everytime a couple are quarelling, they always find a way back to normal. I mean, who loves arguments? It doesn't matter what a person looks like, or what clothes the wear..but it's what on inside that counts( I use it for my oral too :B) Okay, back to mine. Life could be so much pathetic sometimes. Believe me, I've been through it.
Wow, I'm so busy nowadays. I have handball, debate practice and dance shows. All in one time. What am I going to do? Sheshhhhh.
Pheww, I made my own layout. Yay me! Even it's not really cute or beautiful or whatever, but I'm fully satisfied. O My , I spend hours for this layout. I even skip my meal = =" I don't care what people say though, it's simple and I think it's nice. Don't you dare underestimate my hard work yea.
Hehe, I'm effin excited~ HNGGGGG.Rudy teaches me play guitar. At the first place, I wasn't really excited to learn. Until, he plays my favorite song; Avenged Sevenfold-warmness on the soul. I tried so hard. I got blisters on my fingers too, but I managed to play that song at last. Well, let say 70 percent. But to me, it was a great accomplishment because I've tried to play guitar since I was 11 and guess what, yess! It never works. Now, I mean, at least it works aite?
Do you ever feel like throwing pebble to someone's face or throwing your phone to the ground over a small matter? Well, good if you don't. If you ask me, hngggg~ yesss. I've always had that feeling lately. First, people around me kept hurting me. I was like, what on earth is going on here? Why am I always get hurt? Can I just enjoy living my life? Urgggggg! This is fakieenggg sshieets ya know. And I can't wait to end this.
☜♥☞ º°”˜`”°º☜( It's all about him,him,him,him,him. )☞ º°”˜`”°☜♥☞
During an additional class with Mr.Lee, I discovered something very amazing. Something thatbrighten my day and put a smile on my fugly face. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful day. It's like, all the burden, bloody pain; being washed away. All the misery, bitterness and loneliness, it fades away. The joy that I felt, I don't know how to say it, but something very sweet, something really beautiful; overwhelmed me. No words can describe how fortunate and happy I was at that time. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say and where to start. My heart skipped a beat. Then.......I shattered into million pieces. Like, I mean, getting a boyfriend is virtually impossible for me. I just wish for a pleasant life in the future and I'm more than satisfied. I wish for a man who loves me as much as I love him or maybe loves me more than I do. I just don't want to experience my past love again. It hurts me so much, I don't think I could give a chance or what. Every time I look or think of you, all I could feel is pain. No love, just pain. How could you call this love? Hey, you know what, love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So, take your time and choose the best. Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is a lie. Get what I mean? Hey love, if you're seeking for an answer from me, I DO :)
Just finished my work. I spend a little time for reading, after a hard, brain-twisting job! That was tiring, really. I am so hungry, as hungry as a wolf, like I could eat a billion horses! <---Waa, that's awful!
Anyway, I log in my Facebook acc via phone then I was like 'WHAT THE FISH',my dashboard is flooded by the Tsunami thing. I scroll down, it was fun though to read all the posts! Okay, I could say more than a half of me, respect all of your kindness and the sentimental value inside you. Unfortunately, the other side of me, asking and wondering ; why are you so busy updating your post instead of praying? Do whatever please God (to;uched by one of my friend on facebook) Yeah, it's true. It wouln't work. May God bless us all. Amen
hell yeah. I was not in mood today, not even! There was a time I laughed by myself, just to cover the anger inside me. I thought of kicking someone's ass. Damn, I was really looking for it! I thought of pinching or punching. I thought of killing too. Today was totally a #$#^$%& ^&^&%*.(I messed up my words. It's wordy!) I wanted that boy get-a-hella-outta-her immediately. How dare he took my best friend! I messed all things up. Fuck. I was really @#$%^$%^*(! That's all, I am too worn to feel further pain. I'm not gonna show you. I hope you understand~
Bestie, if you really love me.. There will be no option.. I assumed you knew me well, so... AND I AM NOT EVEN AN OPTION. THANKS.
Damn.
I felt overwhelming awe this past few weeks. And sure I felt pain all over me. Nahh, forget about that. Just finished my standardized tests. I was in cloud nine when I get good grade for Maths but I fell down to earth for Science. I was so close for A but I admit I was careless. I wouldn't make it happen again. I promise.
I have a HUGE crush on Kpops cuties. Geez, I couldn't control myself. I kept listening to their songs over and over again. Funny thing, I kept listening to my favorite part of the song over again. At school, I kept mentioning about my 'cuties' ( mostly Taeyang) in front of my friends even my crush! Yes TaeYang, I FREAKIN LOVE YOU. HAHA. I fall in love with B2ST too! I've been searching all the pictures for my desk! hahahahaha! I'm totally obsessed with my 'cuties'. I don't even know if my friends surely understand about that. I hope so.
Hey, what's with this guy. Are you going to play fool in front of me? Well, save it beee-yatch. You wouldn't make it. It's worth nothing to have you in my life. It never was. Sometimes we have to let someone go, to let someone better takes place, am I right? And I effin believe that theory. Whoever made that, you're genius! No matter how hurt it was.. Every pain taught myself to be a better person. I won't let anyone bring me down.
Ahh, I'm sick and tired of pains! I want to talk about my 'cuties' but I can't find any word to describe! Unexplainable!
Ahh, here's my favorite songs, from my favorite ones!
BEAST/B2ST MV - Take Care of My Girlfriend (Say No)
HNNNNGGGGGGG~!
&
*fainted*
HNGGGG~ LOVE U.
*DEAD*
After releasing his first full album with the title track, I Need A Girl , it seems Taeyang may finally get his wish granted soon.
Due to his shy and boyish nature, Taeyang hasn’t had the best luck in catching a lady. After releasing I Need A Girl , the response was immediate with his admirers. Laughing, G-Dragon shared the following about his fellow Big Bang member, “I don’t know if it’s because Taeyang said he needs a girl on Strong Heart, but the girls that call Taeyang all chatted with him for a long time on the phone,” he finished with a mischievous smile.
With his good looks, great singing voice and caring personality, not many can resist his charm. “It seems like everyone in the YG building knows that Taeyang is looking for a girl. It looks like Taeyang will be able to find a girlfriend soon. Taeyang has a lot of charisma in him,” G-Dragon shared.
*bye, imma off.
++oh yeah, I updated my skin like the previous one. Simple and I like it. When I heard that song plays , I feels like crying! So yeah, I do like it.
I thank God that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted and to comfort those who mourn. Isaiah 61:3 says, He even wants to give us '' beauty instead of ashes''-to take from us all the pain and tragedy of the past and give us His joy, healing, and restoration!
If you're like most people, you have probably dealt with hurtful situations in the past. Maybe you've been taken advantage of, abused, or lied to. Or perhaps you have been deceived, misunderstood, or cheated out of something. Many, if not most, of us have been in this painful place, and some of you may be there right now. I know one thing for certain-God does not want us to harbor bitterness or live life weighed down by the pain of the past! You can be free! Ephesians 4:26 AMP says, 'When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath ( your exasperation....) last until the sun goes down'. In other words, God gives us a little space of time to get control over our emotions. He wants us to make decision to forgive, lean on Him for His grace, and thank Him for victory throughout the process. When we are tempted to get angry or bitter, we need to run to God in prayer the moment we begin to feel aggravation and frustration trying to come on. He will provide us with the power to keep ourselves calm when adversity arises. (Ps. 94:13)
He is a God of restoration, and he loves you unconditionally. Whatever you are going through today, or whatever you may have endured in the past, He is ready and willing to walk you through it and help you live a life free from bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Give God a chance to prove Himself faithful in your life today. It will be the best decision you have ever made.
▸ Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,love leaves a memory no one can steal. ... ♬
Feb the 7th, I woke up at 5 in the morning. My cell phone rang, it's my best friend, Flove. I knew something wrong happened, so I lifted the call. In a sad tone, she asked for my help. I said '' What's wrong?''. She cried and replied ''My dad,....... He's sick''. I asked her to keep calm. Pray and leave everything to Him. She doesn't go to school that day. I missed my school bus but never ceased to comfort her.
I was afraid late for school but I promised I'll call her after school. So, I did call her. I told her about school, it was a huge relief when she chuckled. I ended our conversation. I told her, whatever happens, don't skip your meals or do something stupid and don't forget take a rest. 5:51 p.m
She texts me, ' This is such unbearable tears. I feel like stupid. crying all the time. I just can't stop. I just can't.'
I woke up from a short nap and replied ( I forgot what I texts). Her father struggling so hard for his life. I wish I can do something for her. Praying is the only thing I can do.
9:33 p.m
'He goes to the Lord. End of his pain'. I'm speechless. Seriously, I don't know what to do. I kept telling her to be patient. On the other hand, I felt like I am the worse best friend, a woman ever had. It was all through texts. I want to meet her face to face, lean my shoulders and ears. She kept telling me she's okay, but I knew she wasn't. How am I going through school without her? I did what she said, goes to school as usual. I kept busying myself, I faked laughters and smile, I told my friends I am fine.There was a moment tears falling down on my cheeks. I can't hold it anymore. No matter how hard they comforts me, I can't bear my tears. I miss my best friend!! I'M ALL ALONE.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT
▸ recommend me some song please . please n thk Q ... ♬
I have been living in my paradise for 15 years. I lived with my lovely family, safely. I named it paradise because it was really a paradise for me. Well, significantly. A place somewhere in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. It is the land below the wind. For instance, google it.
In details, my house is somewhere in KKIP Housing, Kg Malawa. I lived with my relatives. They are all lovely. But it was no longer a paradise for me since those troublemakers came. They get married, have kids and let their generation conquer my paradise. Their generation is such a mess. Abusing my tribe without the sense of humanity. Oh my lovelies, I feel you guys. I missed the old days when we were having a great chills. That was the best moment in our lives and it was, of course, penciled in my memories.
If only, I have the chance to change like the old days, I will drive them where the belongs to; a hell jail. Let the right one thinks, so that I can live with my lovelies with sense of pride and dignity, now and always.
compared to the local celebrities. Alas, I don't have any idea what's in my cousins' mind! They're driving me crazy with the Fara Fauzana things! They said, I really looked like her. Then how could it be? I think we don't have anything in common, though. A friend of mine, she said I looked like one of the actress, and she totally forgot the name. Ahhh, teachers. Hundred times I defended myself as a pure Dusun, still, they call me Chinese. I'm not sure what is my relation with Chinese, but mom told me my ancestor used to be Chinese before he converted to be a Dusun. Cool right? Whoever I've been compared to, I am still me. Even the person is prettier, smartest, popular than me, no one could be me. Only me. I am me. Me. Me. Me.
It's the end of January and I seems so busy with my study. I didn't spend much time on blog like old days. So I will take any rare opportunity to update it. Google the meaning of my name. I like my name. Today I googled my name 'Natasha'. I like the "Natal Day" or "birthday," in reference to the traditional birth of Jesus. It was traditionally given to girls born around Christmas. I felt like a Saint. haha! And I'm feeling high like a G6. Like seriously? What I dislike the most, my name is commonly used as slang for Russian prostitutes. Hey haters! Are you happy for my name? screw you, doesn't mean I'm spoiled like you. It is in Turkey. Man, I hate that. I mean, bloody how that it could be? sucks! My first name is too expensive to type here. Mom says, I worth over a million dollar. Amazing! I just i love it. Ka-chinggg $$$
Day 7~ choose lyrics, explain why you chose them
search it ;
Taeyang- Wedding Dress(english version)
Paramore-playing god,the only exception,careful,decode
Secondhand serenade-stranger,you and I
Simple plan-perfect,I can wait forever
Miley cyrus-when I look at you
rihanna songs
charice-pyramid
nelly-just a dream
Sorry guys, there's so many lyrics out there suits my feeling but I barely remember! you know, I kept listening to the songs over and over again til I get bored, but those songs not even bore me because, nahh. I don't know, I just love em. It's like, giving me a new hope, comfy me...I just love that. Music made my day :)
Day8~if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be
okay first. I need to change a lot of things here. If only I could!
1.Name
~~ahhhhh. I want a new name. A christian name. In the bible! waooohhh. I need it for my first name =D
Okay, seriously, I need to get rid all of my bad attitude. I don't want anybody get hurts just because of my manners. I know, people around me used to hate me. I hate to be the girl you want. I'm sick of law, asking me to be a good girl. I'm just living the way I am supposed to be okay! hell, like there's no one make mistakes! people used to believe in " Nobody's perfect", but you really did that? Yeah, you did that by judging others! That's is so not true! I hate that!! So,.. forget it. I want a long,wavy hair! awwws :3
Day 9~someone you look up to
whom I looked up too? I don't even know. quite dizzy, seriously. I feels like I want to skip number 9. Huh, but what else I can do, it's my task. I need to complete it. Haha, bah well. Seems like I don't really know someone I looked up to, I'm going to end it here ;D daaaaaa~
Day 10-your family.
My family is protective to me. Though they kinda mean to me, but deep inside they're protecting me. They kinda hurts me sometimes, it hurts like hell. They use sarcasm then tease me. By that, I can say they hate me, well, technically because they treat me bad. Haha, but, they really care about me. Awww, that's sweet. I'm glad I had one. I'm not to blog more about my family because I've done it previous kay!~ Sorry, I'm trying to make it as simple as possible cause I'm quite busy now. hahahhahha~ take care :D
Peace-
Ok, actually, I have two best friends. So, I'm going to describe them ;
Start with Rossita, my darl :p
We're friend since I was 10 and become closer at 11. She's beautiful, cheerful, caring and always there for me. She cheers me when I'm down. We share secrets, we used to tease people; so we creates our secret codes. oh my god, I miss that moment! Her enemy is mine too. So do I. But, what I dislike the most is, we often get into the fight. We fought a lot. yeah, jealousy and misunderstanding. At the age 12, during UPSR, I accidentally, read her diary. I knew there's a lot about me there. Of course it's not a good side of mine, the bad side, the craps etc. I'm shocked. I ran and cried, I cried to the max. It's like.. I want to scream at the top of my lungs! That was so irritating! I never thought what she think of me. What the others say, influenced her. She's a backstabber, she says what everyone says and of course it's not true! That was hurts! Until now, what she wrote in the book, still fresh in my mind. Luckily, I managed to answer the examination and it's pretty good. I get good gred. I'm thinking, I think I hate her. After what she has done to me, she doesn't know about me. She doesn't know anything about my mom neither my family! I feels like, she was talking bad about me at my back. Well, it's true. Reality! But, I can't hate her. There's something inside me telling me to forgive her. So, I forgave her. Start from the day, I became more careful, choosing friends. I'm not acting like a bad girl, but I don't want to experience what I've been through with her. Please, I'm not talking bad about her. I'm just telling how I felt. She's my friend now, I forgave her. Now, we're best friend like old days. haha, we're cousins though! Age 13, we separated. She goes to Smk Bandaraya and I'm at Sm. St Peter. Oh, Here's our latest pictures!!
Then.. The chapter of a new life begins.. I'm turning into a new leaf, she might have a best friend there, I have mine too. We used to be three, but now, just two of us! ;D
Flove, the bestie
She's crazy! totally insane! same like me. We have a lot in common! that's why I like her, easy to get along. I met her when I'm 13, damn that was funny. I can't even remember a thing. But she ask me to go with her at a friend's house. Then we became closer, we share a lot. She seems so nice to be with. Mid semester, we became best friend. She's beautiful, smart, easy going, enjoy, and she always make me laugh. All the time, but the teacher won't let me sit beside her!
Haha, At age 14, we decided to sit together. I'm so happy, she treat me like her best friend even she had one. There's a time when I get ignored by her.. Man that was so sad. I'm just sitting there..No one to talk with nor play with. I was extremely bored when she did that. No offense ya bestie. hahhaa. So far, so good. Even we're in conflict, we manage to settled it down in a good way. We hangout together, window-shopping even a sleepover! woots! Now, we're doing our own business. Haha, we're teenager. We always wanted something new. Age 15, still together, still a best friend. Once again, the teacher won't let me sit beside her. watapaks! She sat in front of me = =" I knew it, there must be someone out there will do anything to ruined our friendship. Ahhh, we know that. Try me. ehh, TRY US ;DD
Peace-keep tuning for the next task!
▸ Day 5~ the most amazing thing happened to you ... ♬
I kinda forgot about. well, there is suspicious things happened! Haa! unfortunately, I forgot. how come I forgot?! Who the hell know! But those thing always in my childhood memories, that's why I love/miss my childhood to the max. It's pretty weird children acting like an adult instead of enjoying their childhood. you see, children nowadays used to act like an adult; shisha-ing,smoking even worst, taking drug Every time that things happened, I don't know what is happening to me; anger.. Have you lost you mind??!! you only kid once. Live your life. Even adult wants to experience the childhood moments! I'll update my day 6 after school!
▸ Day 3- if you could only have one wish, what would it be? ... ♬
I'm doing two task today. Day 3 and 4 :D
Interesting! I'll wish for NEVER-ENDING-WISH. I'll use it in a good way, no worries :) The Fairly Oddparents, Timmy Turner, he has fairies. Eee! I wanna be like him. Haha, there's no such thing in this world. I know ;D but, if only I own that wand, my life could be perfect! Perfect! Perfect! perfect! woahhh, I can imagine my life now. Are you kidding me?!! That is so freakin AWESOMEEEEEEEEEE! So, If i have one wish, I WISH FOR A NEVER-ENDING-WISH! DANGGGG~ mind blown.
Day 4~ if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
You gotta be kidding me!! Paris, New York, Hawaii etc. In the mall. Where I could have never ending clothes, shoes and stuffs. Most of all, FOODS, without spending over a million bucks! haha, if I could have that in a real life, I might be the luckiest girl in the whole planet! Amen. If only...........
A peace, calm, rich natures. Tranquility and non violence; well, dictionary said that. But what on earth is going on now? On the pavements grey where rubbish lying; people don't really care about it! War is everywhere. Question is, will it ever be attained, peace? o have mercy! when, it is possible? Maybe.. People nowadays, scared. Scared to make a difference, scared to be different. Speaking of which, you demand a beautiful natures for you grandchild; no illegal logging, rubbish is supposed to be in a proper place! The saddest part is, people usually throw a newborn babies at the rubbish bin. They don't appreciate what God gave, your own flesh! In my mind, peace is impossible it will never be attained, that it is just an idea created by the human emotion of hope. World's future peace can be predicted by none; it's our own choice. If someone apologizes to someone and they do the same, imagine what can we achieve! Yet, try to make peace in our hectic and reckless daily routine, selfishness all over the world. Though government are pleased for it, protesting is everywhere!! Peace is a simple idea in principle but difficult to achieve in practice because, as individual members of our species, we have not found peace within ourselves. But, it is impossible to look peacefully toward each other under constant threat for one’s survival. In case of making peace, I am trying to make peace within myself, brave new world and spread love. I'll make peace for my self for the world :D
Preferred single. I think I'm so much better with this status. I don't know why..But it's a relief, to be a loner, i guess. I'm not saying having a relationship is wrong but at my age, I think I'm not heavily into it. Crushes? Haha, most of my crushes are K-pop cuties/actors. gaha, Imma die-hard-fan for that! Seriously, I hate brokenhearts, I wish I never had that, I never experienced that, I never knew how it feels or how painful it is. It's not just hard, could make you crazy, hell. I won't easily let myself fall for it. Cause I know where it will ends up and I never want to experience it again. Geez, I wish there's a switch button in my heart so I could just press off if I get hurt and turn it on if I'm ready to fall in love again. I'm tired of lies, hatred and jealousy. The ego. I can't get along with that. It's horrible, a nightmare. Whoever wants to feel it? I'm sick of lying, lying about my real life. I don't want people to understand me, no matter how hard I tried, NO ONE will ever understand but it's possible for God. Nobody will get hurts, not a heartache...if not with me...I'm just being myself, I don't want anyone knows my feelings. What I'm going through the path of my life........
Ha, well. The name's Natasha. It's not my full name cause I keep it secret. Actually, I don't really like my full name, though, people around me like it and I've always honored a compliment..Thanks a lot. Mommy told me that she gave me the first name. She likes it so much. Daddy gave me the 'Natasha'. Haha, actually I love 'Natasha'.But, whatever it is, I thanked them for giving me the beautiful ones. heheehe. 2011, which mean I am 15 years old. I blew my cake every 6th may and of course my age is going to add by itself. I believe in God, because in times of trouble God hear my pray. Pray is peace. I'm proud to be Christian.
Kota Kinabalu is my hometown, currently pursuing my study at Sekolah Menengah Saint Peter Telipok. I'm in 3 Intellect. I'm the only daughter and I am proud of it. I'm living with my mom's family cause mom and dad divorced when I was a kid. I like to eat, I eat a lot, I eat good foods. Easily get distracted, easily get nagged. Backstabber,liar,hypocrite and whatever related to it is my greatest enemy. World is much better without em! I'm childish somehow, and I don't pretend to be one or to be an adult. 15 years living, I'm having a huge conflict when I'm 13 until now. It's deniable and sucks! yeah, I knew that. But I'm moving on. I'm forgetting about all those crushes I had that I know now would never work out. I'm letting go, and opening up. 2011 is going to be my year, therefore, I'm turning over a new leaf.
24.12.2010
Christmas Eve. Reached home about 6.30 or something from KK with Rudy & Olga. We're just finished shopping for Christmas. Gosh, tiring and exhausted.. but I loikee! awwe, here's the thing I dislike, pms cramp. Around 7pm, going to church with my family. During liturgy, I was not in a good mood cause I'm not in a good condition. Grrr, the pain is torturing me! I can't even concentrate that time.
25.12.2010
Christmas Day. Woke up at 7am. Prepared for church. 10 am, I reached home. Pms cramp killing me. I slept, about an hour. Aunt fetch me for open house at my relatives'. I eat a lot, that's a habit of mine. Can't stop, can't deny. But today, I felt abandoned by the one I loved the most, Mom. I have no spirit for christmas this year. I don't really know why. This year ain't like years before. I feel miserable all the day. I faked smile. Feels like tears going to burst out, but I'm fighting so hard not to. Though I laughed, but seems like its truly fake. I keep on mute, in times I fear for myself. I really don't have any idea what is happening to me. While celebrating this joyous christmas, I felt empty inside. I can say that the pain is like swallowing significantly a large rock; okay more to mountain. Not because I don't feel the Christ birth- but something else. Privately about myself and people around me whom I cared so much for my life's sake. Its hard/painful for me to describe it, unexplainable. This ain't the first time. It was getting painfully closer to me with every step of growing up in my unlikely feelings birthed inside me. The love she promised to death began to fades away itself; where it supposed to be. From the beginning til the end. I don't know how to handle this. It messed my whole life- I'm worried it will neglect my future life; studies like before.
Ever had that feeling when you wanted to make those people who hurt you feels the same feeling when they hurt you? And when you know that it just take a few simple words to make them feel exactly the same hurtful feeling you've experienced before and when you succeed making them feel like that, the victorious feeling of beating them in their own game pleased you to the max.-Unknown peeps
you’re crying because your boyfriend dumped you? someone’s crying because their husband or wife just got killed in a car accident. you’re mad at your parents because you’re grounded? someone’s parents just finished beating them. you want to die because you failed geometry? someone has no education, which means they can’t get a job. you hate your best friend because she lied to you? someone is hated by their entire family & has not one friend. put things into perspective people; you’re luckier than you know.
HE CRIED WHEN HE TOLD ELENA THAT HE LOVES HER, AND THAT MAKES SENSE :(
THE WORST PART IS, HE COMPELLED ELENA WHEN HE CONFESSED HIS FEELINGS FOR HER :(((
and stefan is so sweet too he's like "i didnt want to be alone...i guess i just needed my brother" :'((( but DAMONNNN and then she went down the stairs and he full smiled!! and then she hugged stefan aaahhh heartwrenching!! I had tears rolling down my eyes when Damon told Elena he loved her :'( then she rejected that D: who would reject Damon!?!?!
DAMN WITH THE WORDS. OHHH DAMOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN <3
but somehow, I think that deep inside Stefan's, he still loves Katherine but not as much as he loves Elena.
Idjit- this movie is so fascinating! Compared to Twilight, Vampire Diaries gets my 101% intention!
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HAHA. This is SEXY!
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Stefan & Damon Salvatore
Go Damonnnnnn <3
Damon is smoking hot!
Stefan is so good and kind and loving and noble and loyal and compassionate and gentlemanly and always doing the right thing, he would do anything for Elena if he knew it would mean she is happy - even if it means swallowing his own pain,
but Damon hides his sensitive, hurting, protective, caring, loving, trusting, dependent self behind a mask of hardness and cruelty because hes been so hurt, and he will pretend not to love Elena for her sake
they are both equally sweet and cute and love Elena soo much...i wonder how Damon is sorted out in the end. obviously stefan will be with elena in the end but either damon finds someone else or dies for Elena and Stefan - that would fulfill him more as a character...he loves Elena so much and I think inside although he's angry with Stefan, he loves him too...so I dont think him just finding someone else will complete him as a character, unless it is someone spectacular...
Auwh Damon, I loveeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu XDD
▸ The Vampire Diaries Season 2, Episode 9- Katarina ... ♬
Hey people, love Vampire Diaries much? I hope you guys enjoy!
I know its episode 11 already, but here as much as I can do.
I will upload as soon as I can if I have the entire episodes.
Hungry for more blood? Yeah, vampires, your favorite TV series is here again. Watch the 11th episode of the second season of The Vampire Diaries with a title "By the Light of the Moon"
I am doing my very best that I can ;D Do understand me. Question? Leave me Msg :D
"By the Light of the Moon" was a typically overstuffed episode of The Vampire Diaries, full of plot developments and intriguing character pairings. Caroline and Tyler were the most riveting as he went through his first transformation into a werewolf, but there was plenty of forward momentum in the other stories as well.
After her attempts to sacrifice herself to Klaus in order to keep her friends and family safe, Elena was put on house arrest by the team of Bonnie, Jeremy and Damon. Steven R. McQueen made the most of his scant screen time this week, playing up Jeremy's younger brother-ish amusement at his sister Elena's predicament. Leaving Elena with only Jeremy as a babysitter did not turn out to be the best idea. Once Elijah showed up, Elena was ironically trapped in the house that is supposed to keep her safe. On the other hand, Damon left Elena so that he could go help Alaric figure out what a mysterious stranger is doing in town, and I will never complain about Damon and Alaric working together.
While Elena may have been stuck in her home for the entire episode, she was still able to get the most accomplished as far as the main storyline goes. Not only was Elijah's mysterious behavior explained, but Elena managed to secure a promise for her safety, as well as that of the people she cares about. On top of that, she got Stefan out of the cave where he has been trapped with Katherine. Not a bad day's work, although the deal with Elijah is sure to prove more dangerous than it seems.
It should be no surprise that Stefan has already been rescued from the cave where he was trapped with Katherine; not with the speed that The Vampire Diaries goes through storylines. I had been expecting Stefan and Elena to be separated for longer than one episode though. The set up of Damon protecting Elena while Stefan is trapped with Katherine seemed to me like a scenario that could be explored a little deeper, but I am not faulting the show for keeping things moving as quickly as ever.
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gettin excited? chill.
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Okay, Okay. Here's the link. Enjoy! leave me comment/message!
I'm so lazy to update my blog yesterday. I have pictures. Maybe later.
Dear Online Diary,
I don't think I can control myself anymore. My family is sarcastic. They use sarcasms to nag me. Bloody how, don't you guys think it's a bad idea? Hell, it's killing me slowly inside. It's hurt. It's awful. Yes, I don't like the way you treat me. I wish I could go far away, far away from you guys.. only with my mum. Every single time, when I am trying to be good, trying not to be myself, I just can't afford to. Truth is, I don't hate my family. Sometimes, your manners can hurt me deeply. If you are in my place, what did you do? Waste your tears? It's not worth it. No matter how many times I cry, they wouldn't listen despite laughing over their ass! It happens last night. I cried so hard.. I was like....... Maybe it's hard for me to take that. Nobody believes me. You know, I start to think.. EVERYBODY will leaves me.. friends.. best friends .. family .. I don't wish it happen to me. Maybe this is a test from God, maybe there's something behind this crap. God planned something for me. I hope it's good one. It is still hurts, when you're absolutely depending on no one.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage To the Dawn Trader
Okay, So today I'm going to watch it. I'm excited because my friends said it was awesome. HAHAHA. Lol, forget about it. So, I'm watching the sneak peek ;p GOSH! There's Prince Caspian, the hottie! Geez, I'm gettin more excited. I can't wait to watch it! byebye loves. I'll update soon as I reach home. Maybe , just maybe I'll take some pictures to upload ;DD
ÑaтasHa/May 6/SWAG/DORKNERD Asian/Pragmatophobia .
Has a passion for fashion and beauty much. Favorites are, big time rush,chocolate,sweets,clothes,Ian Somerhalder and random things.
Also, she loves shopping, blogging, books, pink, purple, vampires, panda, and etc.
MUSIC is her addictive drugs Oppas has stole her heart for many times. Like , TAEYANG,TOP,Gdragon,Nichkun,Chansung,Taecyeon and more!~
I blog to EXPRESS, not to IMPRESS.
The site welcomes colorful and bright people!
Enjoy your stay here.. as long as you want!
but if you are RIPPERS!, spammers or haters, i will kick you out of my site!
other than that... feel free to roam around!
turn back the time
❝ the author ❞
ÑaтasHaMay 6DORKNERD AsianSWAG
Has a passion for fashion and beauty much. Favorites are, big time rush,chocolate,sweets,clothes,Ian Somerhalder and random things.
Also, she loves shopping, blogging, books, pink, purple, vampires, panda, and etc.
MUSIC is her addictive drugs Oppas has stole her heart for many times. Like Donghae,Taeyang,dongwoon,
